Dear Lord.... so Im here at the Atlanta airport and realizing that I only seem to blog in August... at least this has been true for several years. I just had an amazing mini-vacation sponsored by Mom... and led by Your Spirit. Would You help me, Lord, just keep walking with u? Being honest, transparent and real with You? Im here to tell You that it HURTS. I dont know how that's a powerful intercession or not but that's how I feel. I hurt for Ericlee and Dorina, Lord. I don't know what Your purpose is and I know that we'll praise you and trust You, but I don't get the pain. What is Your plan, Lord? What do U desire for and through them? I know it will be ok.... but it just hurts. And Im sure Im not the inly ine feeling like this. Please reach out to us, Lord. Please be near. Lead us in prayer, Lord. Draw us and them to You. Open spiritual eyes and bring revelation. Let your love be ever sweeter to to Dorina and Ericlee and their families. Have mercy, Lord. You never change. You have compassion of us. Please have mercy. And don't let all if this suffering thwarp our vision of Who You are, but rather, redeem it. We need You, Lord. Please also guide and bless my return home, rel w hubby, my faith and health. Help me and help us TRUST you. In the holy name of Jesus, awesome provider and healer, amen.

False memories - Lost in a shopping mall - Elizabeth Loftus

homesickness

I'm trying to find a quiet space in my heart to write. I would normally just try to walk or run, but today I'm tired, exhausted, and have had to deal with altitude sickness for the first time in my life that I can remember. It has never been like this- maybe only remember feeling tired after a hike at some altitude- but not this. Ever. So just for you that are reading, I'm ok. I think my blood pressure went up yesterday for a bit, but I really am ok. I felt better last night. I'm just homesick.

This homesickness has also caught me off-guard. I mean, of course I should have expected it. I was gone for five weeks. I was loved on, spoiled, tolerated at times, cared for, treated like a princess, surprised, delighted, forgiven, listened to... woken up early for, spoiled some more... I could not have imagined all the goodness that God would show me. He really got through this time. Back some months ago, there was a night where I probably drank soda or was too tired to fall asleep, and I felt God was saying, "I am pleased with you" and just felt Him smile at me. I seriously felt Him smile. It was sweet but then also seemed random- didn't seem consistent with the story of my life those days, when I was beating myself up really hard I think just trying to do work and life well, and/or just running ragged from spreading myself out so thin. It was a sweet moment- kind of like, "Did I imagine this?" "Is this a product of my over-worked head or imagination or the soda I drank?" But I felt it was for me and from time to time I tried to remember that night, and believe what God had said, but it was hard. Too much going on. Too much rubble accumulated along the road.

So it just occured to me the other day, after I had shared with a friend just a new treat God had given me, that God was just showing me throughout this whole summer how much He DOES smile at me. And love me! She said (you know who you are!) something about God smiling on me and later on I thought, yes, He is, and then remembered this middle-of-the-night little thing that had happened. So I think He knew how hard it had been for me to really believe and take hold of the idea that He was indeed pleased with me and even more so, ever smiling at me. Loving on me, patiently watching me grow. A completely different image from an exacting, demanding and sometimes just straight out angry God that would appear from time to time in my conscious or subconscious mind. I think He has cleaned that out. I know He's with me, and He has all the time in the world to see me grow and learn.

Some years back, as I took care of some plants, some of which I drenched, God showed me that "love gives time for things to grow." I knew I was in a desperate spot earlier this year when I honestly expected some orchids that had bloomed to die. What had happened is that 8 white orchids bloomed after a year and a half of no flowering. They started to appear-8 of them- on the month my Grandma turned eighty. It was February of this year and I was running at 1,000 miles per hour. I knew I was in a really bad spot when I expected for the orchids to already die! because they had already served their function of making me happy and being a gift from God for her 80th birthday. I had bought that plant several years earlier with bday money from my Grandma. Ok plants- was the idea in my head- you made me happy. Now you should die. Life goes on. The orchids, of course, refused to die :). (By the way, as they died, six more started growing. The last one is dying now, and there is another branch with more to come! My orchids have never bloomed like this before!)

I KNOW how stupid expecting my orchids to die sounds now! But it was what I felt and it reflected my hurried soul very well. God has taught me I don't need to run so hard. He's with me and He's FOR me. His favor RESTS on me. No need to push so hard, run so hard, work so hard. The meek will inherit the earth- the Psalmist says. I have a God who WILL take care of me. Who smiles at me.

So thank you, friends, for still giving me a place in California to call home. I don't think homesickness can exist without a sense of belonging in the first place. Thank you for your many kindnessess (lending a car, giving me a room to sleep in, rejoicing in playing with special little ones, going out to coffee at 7 am, chatting away together, letting me come visit unannounced and so much more) and most importantly, for being a part of my life. I don't know how people do it without community. I think God was very wise, loving, and intentional when He gave me you. I have a community here in my town, also, and a place to call home. And yet that doesn't necessarily make it easier to say bye. So just thank you. I love you all.

Monica

Katty Arguello | Crea tu insignia

exhaustion & gratitude

I don´t know if someday... I´ll look back & read this. funny how it´s a fun journal-w/o having to keep paper. That´s nice.

I´m so sleepy & tired... pero sólo para recordar: You´ve been sooo good to me this summer God... I´ve recovered well from surgery & I´m totally spoiled. Primero mi Ma y luego mi Papi. y volver de vuelta a mi vida q también me alegra.

Mis manos todavía huelen a cebolla del lunch q hice... estuvieron Ana María y Lore... twas fun. me encantó el herbed quinua!!! Gracias Dios por el libro de ww...! such a good gift! and finding the things in the store I need to cook with!

to sleep. to dream. to love u in my dreams.

I love You Lord.

Móni

can I trust You???

"Meditate and ponder these verses. Is Jesus more than just a name to you? Do you adore Him? Do you love Him? Do you trust Him with your life? When our trust is in Jesus Christ we have nothing to fear. Take time today to tell Him how much you love and adore Him. Ask Him to help you trust Him with your fears." Bob Krepps.

Amen. Wow. It´s kind of humbling to realize that my moods are often so "moody," so transient, and how easy it is for me to be full of joy and happy one day and then doubtful/apathetic, the next. But Lord, I do want you. It´s just hard for me to trust You right now, trust that You sustain the universe and that all of this is true, but more so that You care. And that if you care, you really WILL give me what is best for my life. I´m sorry for not trusting you in this.

Which is why I loved this: "Ask Him to help you trust Him with your fears." God, I want to trust You with my fears. You say, blessed is the woman who trusts in You. Help me trust in You Lord. Give me faith. Help my unbelief. You who are good and have compassion and remember I am dust, have mercy on me. Help me trust You with my present and my future. And before I forget.. thank You for meeting me on Sunday at church and consoling me. For telling me that You love me, and You are with me, and that You are still in control of my life and have good plans for me. Help me trust You Lord. Help me believe you.

And I pray for Melissa as well.... Two years ago, when I was a mess, she was holding on to BELIEVE you. So please help her BELIEVE You now, that nothing is impossible with you.... or for you actually. And God of the impossibles, have mercy on Sebastián pls. It´s not impossible for you to heal Him, in fact, it´s quite possible. Please heal Him Jesus if you will. Please ease his suffering, if he needs to go. Have mercy on Him.

There are many things that I don´t understand. But I do know that I love you... please be merciful to me and sustain me. Holy God.

the craziness of life

just to remember... psalm 103. how God met me.

2 wks ago. no time to write. to shout from the rooftop and sing. and sing :).

YOU MET ME. I cried and cried and cried. You taught me that no matter how much I don´t deserve it or think that I do... you love on me. You meet my needs. That´s why you saved me. That´s why I serve U.

Pastor Edison Campaña... WOW. was completely sure you spoke to ME! felt so spoiled by you!!! all was joy.

Then Susan... why exactly did U choose to give me such a sweet friend right now???? pure grace!!! Thank U God. a soulmate!!! It was sooo special!!

So thanks for everything, Lord! It´s so good to pause and reflect in the midst of the crazy-busyness of my days!!! Thank U for meeting me!!!

I love U!!! :) Lover of my soul :). yay yay yay!!! :)

pd. tienes una hija loca :)